It's Like This

I haven't written in this blog for sometime, partly as there has been little to share and also because I haven't wanted to share it.
A little before my 12 month anniversary I saw my new consultant and agreed to being signed off to my GP's care - my decision. The reasons I had were down to the initial bad experience I'd had after surgery and my want to be free of hospital care. This may have been premature.
When people ask about my post cancer care they are always amazed that I don't have a consultant or planned hospital visits. For my part this is a proud boast as I haven't wanted the 'experience' to drag on and needed to feel completely free of cancer and all it's association.
However, since surgery I have suffered back pain which I pointed out only 6 weeks post surgery to the consultant surgeon who completely dismissed it. He did arrange a bone scan which was thankfully clear but his disregard for my condition was such that he said 'it has nothing to do with the surgery'.
Before I discovered I had cancer I was not unwell and had no symptoms and No back pain.
My GP having taken on my care after the 12 month sign off has been excellent and has done everything possible to help me cope with the pain. This has meant a steady increased dose of Gabapentin and more recently the addition of Tramadol.
As the pain has increased now and spread to my side and under my ribs, my GP has arranged both Xrays and scans. I am awaiting an appointment currently for an MRI and will also shortly be attending a clinic at the Royal Orthopedic Hospital.
None of the above are things I had anticipated. Although my initial care plan, post surgery had been to undergo 6 monthly CT scans for 2 years and thereafter 12 monthly scans for 5 years. The consultant had also said I would be attending his urology clinic for 'as long as there was an NHS'. I had celebrated in the fact I'd opted out of this system and would just go to my GP 'as and when' needed. After all, the surgeon took the cancer out with my kidney - it's gone.
Having to undergo more scans means the possible discovery of more problems - not something I want to think about. Not something I find easy to write, or talk about either.
So there it is. Not the scenario I had hoped for although I suppose, logically being only 18 months post cancer it's to be expected. Tests, clinics, doubts and even tablets are normal.
I don't want to be normal.