I don't feel very well...
How many times have I said that in the past, when I've had a cold or a bug of some kind and usually it is just that and after a few days I'm back to right. However a week or so ago when I started to feel poorly I said nothing. As I began to feel worse and this became evident to my family I had to admit something was wrong. In the past - by that I mean pre cancer, there was a rational voice in my head telling me that it was probably just a virus and I'd be feeling much better soon. However, this being the first time I've been ill since well, being ill...the voice in my head was more than a little irrational.
As documented in this blog, I have suffered with back pain since surgery and this is on the side that I have a remaining kidney. Last week the pain increased and I felt very sick, I was also quite feverish and lacked energy. It got so bad I had to take to my bed which was strange as I was transported back 6 months to when I spent a lot of time there in pain. In the same way that things often seem worse at night, I felt worse being in bed unable to do anything and my mind worked overtime. What if it is back?!
A trip to my GP was inconclusive as there really wasn't anything he could do as my symptoms could mean a virus. Also with a CT scan in the next couple of weeks it was best to see the outcome of that. He was extremely understanding and could see I was feeling awful though and asked me to return this week (which I will).
Yesterday was the first day I've felt relatively good again and today is that little bit better. I've shaken off the 'sorry for myself' feeling and put to bed the negative thoughts, a lot of which came when I was feeling my worst. The pain has eased and apart from the usual backache I'm not too bad at all. I've not eaten much for a week as my appetite disappeared and I've lost about half a stone which I didn't need to.
I will have to rethink my dietry changes now as although I'm sure they weren't the cause of this latest illness, my health hasn't improved by eating healthier foods. Maybe moderation will have to be my new mantra.
Either way I'm happy to be feeling well again and thankful all over again for my health.
